For Those We Love, Who Love In Return.

"You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember only that she is gone,

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what she'd want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

They say that grief is the price we pay for love.

Sometimes, it feels unbearable, all encompassing. I guess it reflects how much we have loved.

I would have hated to have only loved a little. To be less detached from everything so pure. To be less fortunate in never having found everything in one person.

So bring it on but I will get through this - because that's what she would have wished.

I'm not sure how or when, but I will know it when it happens.

Angela lived a life that mattered - not what she bought, but what she built.  Not what she got, but what she gave.  Not what she learned, but what she taught.

I have it all.

She built for us a life of love, kindness, laughter, comfort, peace and contentment. That's some accomplishment given the enormity of who she chose.

She touched others in her work and in her friendships but was oblivious to how much they wanted to be around her. Letters from bosses and from work colleagues begging for her to come back. Invitations from neighbours to 'pop round'.  My friends always enquiring "How's Angela?" They even named a trophy after her at the golf club for the junior section she so lovingly inspired to success.

So I have it all.

We lived in our own little bubble. In the early days of being together, there would be friends and relatives around for dinner. Or we, to them. A throwback to Angela's previous married life, as "the hostess with the mostest" as my friend Howard describe her at a PGA Dinner in Park Lane.

It was 'nice' at the time but slowly and then all of a sudden, the friends became a distraction. Time spent with friends was time that we could not be on our own. Variety might be the 'spice of life' but we were both in no need of 'entertaining' our friends, We have each other. More than enough. And then some.

It was no different in my work. Outside of office hours, the answer was always No.

To office Christmas parties, to social invitations, to opportunities. The response was always a polite, Thanks but No.

Some might describe our marriage as insular.

Interestingly, I came across the 2024 Presidential candidate, Ron DeSantis whilst researching insular marriage.

The Washington Post described his marriage to Casey as "an inner circle of two" and "deeply private."

Like Angela and I, they first met on a golf course. Got married at Disney World. Where we honeymooned.  Casey was educated at the College of Charleston.

Charleston is where Angela and I got married. Just the two of us, no guests or relatives were invited. Doesn't get much more insular than that.

"I wasn't leaving the driving range without asking her for a date." Ron  had said. When you know, you just know.

The derogatory Washington Post article prompted this sharp response from Gabriella Hoffman, Senior Fellow of the Independent Women's Forum

"Gasp! Florida's First Lady is in an insular marriage - oh my! - and that's icky because she's, by all appearances, dedicated to her husband and vice versa?! How dare she be normal, committed to one man and want an enduring marriage! PSA: Every sane woman wants this."

If insular is the description others would make of our marriage, we took it as a compliment.

We just loved being on our own. Doing our own thing.

Out of curiosity, I looked up the Definition of a True Friend because when we had each other, we didn't need friends. Here's what I found:

"True friends are usually those who offer you support, improve your quality of life, promote self-confidence, provide honesty and unconditional love and help you progress mentally. Psychologists tend to assume that the point of friendship is to benefit the individual, particularly to enhance mutual satisfaction or fulfil individual needs. "

There's an argument that the more friendships you cultivate, the more balanced will be one's view of the world. That this support is rare to find in any single person. The bigger the network, the stronger the support.

I'd argue that if you do find what you're looking for in one person, there's no need of second opinions.

I found a best-friend that shared my view of life. Who supports me, improves my quality of life, gives me confidence, provides honest and mental stimulation. A friend that turned into a lover, then into a wife and into my whole world. Someone that I need to be around.

I  have it all.

Now that's she's no longer physically around, I have the memories.

I have what many do not and what even more have never experienced.

To love and be loved by one soul for eternity.

How lucky am I?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris.

 

 

 

 

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